Saying Something Indirectly: The Art of Costa Rican Softness
What you don’t say matters just as much as what you do say. In Costa Rica, being too direct can feel frío, pesado, or even grosero. So, Costa Rican Spanish softens everything. Sociolinguists call it discreción afectuosa—affectionate discretion—a way of speaking where you create space for others. It’s a style of speech that respects your boundaries while inviting collaboration.
Think of it as a dance. You’re not pushing someone to say yes; you’re making room for a yes to emerge naturally.
The Gentle Art of Asking
Costa Ricans have a toolkit of softening phrases. They aren’t filler—they’re linguistic gestures of respect.
¿Será que…? Could it be that…?
¿Será que me puede ayudar? Could it be that you could help me?
¿Será que ya llegaron? Do you think they’ve arrived?
¿Será que se puede? Do you think it’s possible?
¿No tendrá…? / ¿No habrá…? You wouldn’t have / It wouldn’t be that…
¿No tendrá una bolsita? Would you happen to have a little bag?
¿No habrá más café? Is there maybe more coffee?
¿No tendrá un ratito? Would you happen to have a moment?
Quisiera / Me gustaría / Podría I would like / Could I
Quisiera un fresquito. I’d love a little soda.
Me gustaría conversar un momento. I’d like to chat for a bit.
¿Podría pasar mañana? Could I come by tomorrow?
Other staples include:
Vamos viendo — Let’s play it by ear.
Si se puede — If it works / If it’s possible.
Por dicha — Fortunately / Thankfully.
Con permiso, Disculpe, Perdón — Gentle ways to excuse yourself, apologize, or get attention.
Real Tico, Real Situations
Here’s how it shows up in everyday life:
¿Será que me puedo bañar primero? Mind if I shower first?
¿No tendrá bloqueador por ahí? Would you happen to have sunscreen around?
Me gustaría ir, pero vamos viendo. I’d love to go, but let’s see how it goes.
Si se puede, llego a las cinco. If it works, I’ll get there at five.
¿Podría explicarme eso otra vez? Could you explain that to me again?
Disculpe, ¿ya cerraron? Excuse me, did you already close?
Why It Matters
This isn’t just grammar. It’s kindness encoded in language. Costa Ricans soften a request not because they’re unsure, but because they’re showing respeto and confianza at the same time. Bonilla (2019) calls it “una cortesía estructurada en la gramática”—courtesy built right into the grammar. It’s a language that doesn’t push. It invites.
When you speak like this, you sound respectful, easygoing, confident—and unmistakably Tico. It’s subtle. It’s graceful. And once you notice it, you start to hear it everywhere: in the way people ask, offer, suggest, or even apologize. There’s an art to leaving room for someone else, and in Costa Rica, that art is just everyday speech.